God Hates Shrimp

The repeal of our military's "Don't ask, don't tell" policy seems finally to be upon us. At the time it was enacted, it seemed like progress to me, instead of a blanket prohibition of Gay people serving our country their preferences in love would no longer be an issue; no more than their preference for chocolate over vanilla. I was young then, living in Orange County California, and only knew over-privileged white kids and people who would sell me pot.
As the years have gone by and I've heard story after story of dedicated members of our four branches of service suffering discharge at the worst, fear and ridicule at the least, I have changed my opinion. Who you love has no bearing on your ability to serve in the military, period. This is now my opinion, because I grew up and found talk-radio.
I've become addicted to talk-radio in the car, if I'm not listening to a book. I also listen to audio-books while I drive, because if you think it's unsafe to text while you drive, try reading a whole book. I listen to all sorts of radio shows, most of them on satellite radio. I listen to the uber-right-wing Patriot station, I listen to CNN, I listen to MSNBC, I listen to Michaelangelo Signorile on Out Q. I think I have a fairly wide sampling of the opinions being shared on the abolition of our "Don't ask, don't tell." policy.
The Patriot station is the funniest, because those listeners are absolutely terrified about what might happen to our country if we just live and let live and stop trying to stamp out homosexuality all together. Beyond the idea that Gay people may serve with as much dedication and skill as straight people, they are prone to assert that disasters such as 911, hurricane Katrina and the recent economic disaster we've all lived through in the last couple of years all stem from our country's burgeoning acceptance of homosexuality. God is royally pissed, and keeps doing all these things because we're not doing enough to "Get rid of the homos and back to the bible that this here country was founded on." Take a minute to laugh here if you need to.
I have heard the words "God hates Fags!" enough times to feel frightened and sickened by the bald hatred I hear in those zealous voices. I have no data to support the assertion that these people may very well all have double digit IQ scores, but that's my personal belief. They love to reference Leviticus, being bible scholars after all, so I decided to poke around and see what I could find regarding homosexuality. I didn't research that long, I'll admit, the bible is not a comfortable environment for me. Here's what I found:

Leviticus 18:22

"Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it is abomination."

Assuming that "Thou" is directed at a male readership, the word on this kind of activity  is that this is an abomination.

abomination |əˌbäməˈnā sh ən|nouna thing that causes disgust or hatred : the Pharisees regarded Gentiles as an abomination to God | informal concrete abominations masquerading as hotels.• a feeling of hatred  

I am not a person who ascribes petty human emotion to "God", but I can tell you, there are people here in the good old USA who certainly feel this way. 



Further poking around in Leviticus produced yet more abominations. I don't claim to have discovered this myself, but I do my research whenever possible when I want to comment on things that need to be quoted. Apparently, God also hates shrimp; all shellfish for that matter, even the happy clam and the potentially pearl-bearing oyster. Oh, and my beloved lobster as well, although I'm not sure if it's exoskeleton counts as "scales."


Leviticus 11:9 These shall ye eat of all that are in the waters: whatsoever hath fins and scales in the waters, in the seas, and in the rivers, them shall ye eat. 
10 And all that have not fins and scales in the seas, and in the rivers, of all that move in the waters, and of any living thing which is in the waters, they shall be an abomination unto you: 

But here we have it, that word "Abomination" again. Apparently "God" gets just as pissed about eating the wrong seafood as he does about two people of the same sex who love each other and want to share a household, marry and have families. I mean, abomination is abomination after all, isn't it? The only conclusion I can draw from this is that 
God hates shrimp.  Really.


The final funny idea that I had, yet just don't have the enthusiasm to verify on this giant internet is the idea that some of these sign-waving homophobes may very well have had crab-feeds to raise money to get proposition 8 passed here in California, or to lobby against the abolition of all Gays in the military. Would anyone else see the irony in this?


If I created a list of all the things that are "abomination" I'm guessing that, like a facebook survey where you check off the things you are or have done, I am one myself.


I guess their "God" hates me too. 


Me? I support the shrimp.