Huntress of the Lens


Friday, September 11, 2009

Big Ole' Baby

Ok, so I'm up at 4 in the morning to blog because this house is in chaos. Forget about whatever spirituality and healing I wrote about yesterday, that was a whole different day. 

This one started with my husband yelling at his son when it was really my son that he was angry with. My one particular son has no idea of communal living, and is in my opinion very selfish. He'll come home in the wee hours of the morning and decide he needs to make some noise. The only reason to come home that late is if you've been at the bar or at a friend's house, so he's usually a little drunk, or maybe high. He shuts our bedroom door as a courtesy, except Michael has told him about 47 times that if he does this it will wake him up. "Well, I was going to be making some noise in the kitchen." was the reason he gave this morning. This is someone who sees no reason to contribute to the food bill, because he "never eats here." Except at three in the morning, then he wants to cook.

He stomps, shuts doors very loudly, and I had his hearing tested twice as a child because I thought he might be partially deaf because he talks so loud. One guy is quietly playing World of Warcraft in his room, even though he has to be up at eight to take Michael to work to use his truck, the other is watching tv in the living room because he's awake. Two of them regularly stay up all night and one of them sleeps all day usually. Michael often has to work at 4:30 am, or eight or nine, and doesn't like to be awakened in the middle of the night. That's fair enough. It happens quite often and tonight he blew up about it. Unfortunately he yelled at the wrong one, his kid was just watching TV. Mine was already upstairs after making whatever noise he felt was OK at this hour after coming home. 

He works, and pays three hundred dollars a month for rent. This is help we desperately need right now, but since the other two aren't paying any rent yet he likes to say "I pay 40% of the rent here, and I don't even get to act like an adult, I have to live with rules that are better suited to kids living with their parents." He feels that since there are other adult kids living in this house with no jobs (except for Paul just got a job, so he's now exempted from this complaint) they should have to do all the housecleaning jobs that would normally be shared in a communal situation. He feels perfectly justified leaving the kitchen a mess, "Let one of those guys clean it up, I pay rent here." He's paying way below market rate for his room, makes no contribution to food or utilities and feels entitled to do whatever he pleases here. My husband is beyond done with this situation, and I am starting to feel so mad that a person as brilliant as he is can't figure out how to live with other people without being so thoughtless or rude.

Paul will get a paycheck eventually, and start making real tips, and he'll start paying his way here. Michael's son will never get a job if all he does is stay up all night and sleep all day. When he was invited to come couch it here my idea wasn't that he would take over the entire living room with his stuff and sleep on the couch all day. When I invited my son to come and live here to get back on his feet my idea wasn't that he would turn into a giant three year old who throws a tantrum every time someone asks him to change his behavior. 

So I was awakened by my husband yelling at the wrong kid, or at the right kid for the wrong reasons. All of these guys just need to get their financial situations figured out and move into their own houses, this is driving me crazy. Just feeding this many people is running me dry, and to be honest I don't even really try to keep food in the house on any regular basis any more, except for Molly, who's 16 and has a right to expect to be supported. I don't want to feed adults who should be buying their own food. I don't want to provide bathroom supplies like soap and shampoo and toilet paper for adults who should be doing that as well. I am sick and tired of the way things are around here, and I don't feel well enough in general to just keep doing this.

Don't get me wrong, I love Mr. Entitlement. He's brilliant, we have great talks. He's always been "My" kid since he was little. I want him to do well in life, and visit me often. But I don't want to live with him any more. He's the worst roommate I've ever had. He's supposed to be moving in with a friend of mine, and we'll see just how much they like it when he gets to "finally have his independence and live like an adult with no one telling him what to do." I want Michael's kid to find a job and get off my couch, which won't even be there because it belongs to the other guy I was just bitching about. Paul's a sweety, but he won't help with anything household related unless asked, and then usually reluctantly. They've all just got to get it together and move out of here. 

If those hundreds of Magic cards are not off my coffee table by morning I will put them into one box and set them somewhere... whether or not it took three days to sort them all out. Better not leave even one shoe on the floor, Mac is a chewing machine and I won't cry for you if your shoes are in pieces. We've been working so hard to make this house nice, and it seems like someone is always leaving a mess.

So let's say they all go. We'll have to get roommates, we can't afford this house and my shop overhead on just what we're making right now. Grownup roommates who buy their own food and shampoo. Who sleep at night and work during the day. Who are able to clean a kitchen after they cook their own food.

I'm ranting, I know, but it's quarter to five and I'm awake, and to be just a little honest I'm pissed. Michael is back to sleep and here I sit, wide awake and irritated. Maybe I can catch a couple of hours before my 6:30 alarm goes off and pretend that this was all a dream. 

1 comment:

  1. I am so glad you let these feelings out and put them in your writing. You are so real!
    I completely relate to this, except for it is more of a "too many women living in one house". We all have different ways and little rules. I live with my mother, and for years I did not understand the whole "you need to help around this house, and do your share" thinking. That was all through me teen years. Then I got my "freedom" and wonder of wonders, here I am again. The preparation that a parent gives their child is invaluable. Now, I realize that. I try to learn from my mother wherever I can- see how she cooks, how she cleans, and how she picks up messes.I pray and hope I am as efficient as her when I dare leave this nest again.
    Thanks for your piece today.


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