Huntress of the Lens


Sunday, September 27, 2009

X, Y... No Zzzzzzz

Apparently I snore horribly. I wouldn't believe it if Michael hadn't taped it while I was sleeping and played it back for me later. It sounds a lot like when a chainsaw is applied to a particularly tough log that is a bit to thick for the length of its blade. Last night was a really bad episode according to my sleep deprived husband. The puppy cried all night, and when he let the dogs out to put them in the pen at four Jeff disappeared into the half-acre yard and wouldn't return. He was tapping on our window at five, right when Michael II the sequel was coming home from wherever he was. 

My Michael closed last night, and had to work an early shift this morning. He is beyond tired.

I'm really sorry for my part in your sleepless night honey, I wouldn't do it if I knew how not to. When I was looking for illustrations for this, all the pictures were of pissed off women and their men were the serial-snorers. I guess women don't often snore like power tools. I seriously doubt I have an overload of testosterone, it must be the medications I'm taking.  There are several interesting devices being sold to stop this problem, maybe I should try the ninja-face snore-stopper? To be honest I can't picture sleeping in something like this, I can barely be responsible for taking off my glasses and putting my book away, much less turning off the light. When does one apply this little fashion beauty? How would we ever get to sleep if we couldn't stop laughing? I suppose I could bedazzle it and just call it a dream accessory, but really? People wear these? If we're "till death do us part" is this what Michael has to look forward to for the rest of his life? I know he'll never leave me, he loves me too much. Oh, and I also told him that if he tried I would charge him for all those tattoos and go with him anyway. But I feel sorry for the poor man, to sleep next to someone who sounds like a gasoline generator every night for the rest of his life must be on par with the seventh circle of hell.

I don't know what to do about this, I could try the spray, or the nose devices that don't really stick to your nose all night but end up firmly anchored to a shoulder by morning. I just know that I feel really bad that I can disturb his sleep so terribly, even when he is wearing earplugs. I guess this is the "worse" part of "for better or worse."

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The fish can fly, the dogs and cats dance together and all the flowers are edible.