Huntress of the Lens


Friday, August 28, 2009

Learned, seen, or a combination of both?

I was emailed an incredibly personal document by my best friend recently, to give my opinions on. We had already discussed the bulk of the material, and he had covered it's content well, there were no surprises, and that let me know that it had been read and re-read a few times. It's a letter he's waited years to receive, and it falls short on so many levels. We discussed it in person and I gave my best psychological feedback at the time of face to face conversation, and then got my eyes on the actual piece for review just the other day.

I have been playing around with different fields of study for years. Graphology, which works best if you have the actual paper in your hands to determine the weight of the pen stroke, even when only a signature is provided. Other studies that I can't articulate or quantify, but that give me information to do readings on things, especially my beloved words, when they come from someone else. I have no way to know if I am correct in my reading about this document, and yet I felt so certain that I was seeing so much more than the words that were lined up there trying so hard to say one thing and yet declaring another.

Even seeing the page on a screen and not holding it in my hands (which would have told me so much more, when I hold objects in my hands I see pictures and stories and pick up the emotional charge, especially if they are very saturated in feelings or deception, That's why it's often so easy to read my clients, because I have hands- on contact with them and I see so much with my eyes that are not eyes from that tactile contact.) I saw a whole story, and found that from years of studying books about this and that I had my own studies to back up what I was saying. The signature alone brought all the graphology I have studied in books and books right there  to the front of my mind and I felt like I could tell the writer's story effortlessly. 

It's not a pretty story, the letter was written by a con-man and a liar. Even the signature bears that out. I won't go into any of the details of the letter, because they certainly are not mine to share, but what I write about this morning is the amazing knowing I felt when I looked at it, without even touching it. It was like there was a whole different letter floating just above it that said something absolutely contrary to what the original was trying to say. I wouldn't choose to know the writer of this letter. Not all choices are mine however. It was like there was one message superimposed upon the original and I could see it as clear as day. Not often do I feel that my thousand books and years of study add up to anything that makes me qualified to read anything or anyone with the same competence and confidence that Christine does every day of her life. This was one of those times though, and it felt good. 

My whole time with Dottie she let me know that some women in our family have a "touch of the sight" but that it skips a generation. She has it, her grandmother had it, and I most certainly would not ever see with those other eyes. I tried to substitute with studying and books the thing that she says they were born with. I think that she was lying to me, and that possibly what she does is have the occasionally accurate dream. What happens for me is a seeing that is there and always has been. I think she knew this from things I could see as a child and in her constant competition with me wanted to take that away or make sure I never believed in those other eyes. When I see something and it's clear I often hit it as hard and true as a carpenter with his well-worn hammer. Not all the time, but when I do, a feeling of certainty comes over me and I just know. This alarms or amuses strangers if I just blurt it out, I have developed some sensitivity and a filter, because when you're sitting with someone hands-on it can be uncomfortable to just ask them an entirely personal question about a picture you see floating if it's not flattering. "Have you died before? Or been considered dead but revived? I see water." or "Did you have an abortion that you never told anyone about?"will freak someone out, especially if the answer is yes. The filter is handy.

The letter was one thing, but it was the signature that really told me the whole story. It didn't tell a pretty story, and I feel sorry for the boy that grew up to become that man. I'll pray for him, because now I know his name.

Of course I gave my friend another dose of my emotional comfort and response to the document, but we had really covered that in person. I just found it strange how I became possessed by this document examiner I didn't know really existed inside myself. This person is a collection of every book I have ever read on the subject, and there are many, many books on that list. I will never again question my book choices again, wonder why I'm reading something that seems to have no practical application to the life I'm living at the moment. I'll need it someday.

No comments:

Post a Comment

The fish can fly, the dogs and cats dance together and all the flowers are edible.