It's a beast, the subtle under-the-bed kind of monster that you really can't see. It gets in your head and whispers to you, makes itself a part of your flesh and fluid. It's what you know, and you think it's your only friend. You can't live with it, it's killing you and you know it. You can't live without it, because it's all there is and like air you need it in a way that no one understands and it's killing you. It's your addiction, and it's ivy wrapping around your tree-all the way to the top.
Kicking dope, dope-sick, craving, sweating, crying and you believe it will never stop, never get better. It screams and rages, it whines and begs, and it lies. If you believe it you will die. If you ignore it you think you will die. It's the first days of recovery if you let it be, and it is a hell the christian bible never even hinted at.
People will tell you there's a different way to live, that you never have to use again, that you're not alone in this. These are true statements, but it's very hard to hear truth in them when you know you are dying.
They call it labor when a woman gives birth, and it's very much the same. This is either your slow agonizing death or the birth of your new life.
How bad do you want it?